Записи с темой: lol (список заголовков)

We haven't written anything for a while

Not that I have anything especially fun to write now, but here is a web-site with jokes about English language: www.ahajokes.com/english_jokes.html

And a sample from there:

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

@темы: lol


just joke

@темы: lol


English jokes and American jokes

Не бойтесь же: вы лучше многих воробьев. (Св. Евангелие от Матфея, 10:31)
I've bought two small books last year, "100 American jokes" and "100 English jokes". I've recognized most of the jokes or at least their themes: we could certainly acknowledge those jokes as our own Russian ones. There are two ways to explain this phenomenon: either a joke is something that just doesn't fit into the borders of one country, or the editor simply translated the jokes he knew into English and thought it would do))

American jokes:

A guy from Georgia enrolled at Harvard and on his first day he was walking across the campus and asked an upperclassman (drawling heavily), "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The upperclassman responded, "At Harvard we do not end sentences with prepositions."
The Georgian then replied, "Well then, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

Some small-time crooks decided that people were so stupid that they would accept 18 dollar bills if somebody gave them any. So they carefully made some plates and printed some up, and went to a small town to try them out. They got up to a shopkeeper and talked for a while, then casually said, "Say, can you give my change for an 18 dollar bill?"
"Sure," said the old shopkeeper. "What would you like, three 6's or two 9's?"

English jokes:

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant 1£, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 20 pence."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now..."

When I was young I hated going to weddings; it seemed that all of my aunts and grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next".
They stopped that kind of thing after I started doing the same to them at funerals.

@темы: lol


Let's play! Topics: My job

Не бойтесь же: вы лучше многих воробьев. (Св. Евангелие от Матфея, 10:31)
Let's play! The game is called "Topics". You know, those "topics" that we were forced to learn by heart at school, like, "My family", "Winter holidays", "My flat" and etc)

Today the topic is: My job

You speak on the Topic, using three sentences.
The first one contains 3-5 words.
The second contains 6-10 words.
And the last one - 11-30 words.

Prepositions = words!
The best part of it: you can cheat)) I am = 2 words. I'm = 1 word.
I am going to = 4 words. I'm gonna = 2 words.

And of course try to make it humorous (if your job doesn't make you feel completely... tragic))

For example

I'll start)

1. My job is читать дальше

@темы: lol


We have been too quiet for a while, haven't we?

Years ago, my sister studied in a "law for foreign students" program in Boston. Since her fellow students were, predicatbly, from all over the world, the abundance of accents and ways of speech was astounding. Once, a fellow student asked her after class:
-Eera, do you want to go wheel washig?
-What? - asked my curious sister who has never hears of such an exotic passtime.
-Wheel washing. You know, for fun.
-Where would you go to do it?
-To a harbor, on a boat.
A boat with wheels? Like an old steam-boat? And in all her life my sister never suspected that they needed washing...
-Are the wheels on the boat?
-No, outisde!
Well, that is in keeping with the steam-boat, though my sister.
-And how do you wash them? With a broom?
-No, you look outside, maybe take a camera...
-Ah! "Watching!" You mean, "looking at them"?
-Yes, yes!
-And why would you look at wheels?
-They are interesting. They are so big!
Failing to understand how wheels, even big, can be interesting, my sister questioned further:
-And do they spin?
This got the guy to pause.
-I don't think they spin, - he said thoughtfully, - But they dive, and make fountains, and they are really big animals.
He meant "whale watching" - a popular sight on the Atlantic shore. My sister did go.

@темы: lol, how to say it?



вождь Мелкая Река
Такое ощущение, будто меня связали, и одновременно другое ощущение, будто, если бы развязали меня, было бы еще хуже. © Франц Кафка
There have often been misunderstandings between the US and Europe and
especially because of different languages used in Europe.

There are also differences in spelling of languages in the US so it
would be good if everyone would make the same changes to better
understand each other.

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
read more

(c) from here

@темы: lol


It's funny.

Летать, так летать!
Never bring outdoor plants into the house. Garden
Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be
dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why......... A couple in Baltimore, Maryland
had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was
bringing some of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

читать дальше

@темы: lol


Another guessing game

Everyone who has a second to consult the map knows that the largest state in the United States of America is Alasca. However, there is a relatively popular opinion that Alasca "does not count" and in actuality the largest state in the USA is another state. Can anyone offer any suggestions as to which states might it be and why?

@темы: discussion, lol


Guessing game

Interpreters, anyone? ))

A young woman looks at a notesheet and says: "Ah, finally! Sun dawns over a marblehead!"

@темы: idioms, lol, translation


"Thousands of rubber ducks to land on British shores after 15 year journey" (c)

Не бойтесь же: вы лучше многих воробьев. (Св. Евангелие от Матфея, 10:31)

Found this information in Elruu's journal) As I'm a huge rubber duck fan... *points up* ...I just can't help sharing)


"10 JANUARY 1992: Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean nearly 29,000 First Years bath toys, including bright yellow rubber ducks, are spilled from a cargo ship in the PacificOcean."

"When several containers of children's bathtub toys spilled over a ship's side and were released into the Pacific Ocean, who would've thought a concerted research project to study the ocean's currents would be the result?"

"The armada of 29,000 plastic yellow ducks, blue turtles and green frogs broke free from a cargo ship 15 years ago. Since then they have travelled 17,000 miles, floating over the site where the Titanic sank, landing in Hawaii and even spending years frozen in an Arctic ice pack. And now they are heading straight for Britain. At some point this summer they are expected to be spotted on beaches in South-West England."


From here:




And you, guys?) Do you like rubber ducks? ;)

@темы: lol, discussion


Spelling bee

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
- Mark Twain

Let us find CORRECT ways of spelling words different ways. Make Mark Twain proud of us ))

color - colour
analyze - analyse
centre - center
analog - analogue
encyclopedia - encyclopaedia
checker - chequer
tire - tyre
knit sweater - knitted sweater

There are many more. Suggestions?

@темы: discussion, grammar, lol


Let's play - term-guessing

Не бойтесь же: вы лучше многих воробьев. (Св. Евангелие от Матфея, 10:31)
So, about slang and new terms - I promised to focus on it)

I suppose you lot know the great sites "Word Spy" and "Urban Dictionary"? There you can find the "new terms that have appeared multiple times in newspapers, magazines, books, Web sites, and other recorded sources."

There are many pretty funny words there) You want to know what are the "refrigerator rights", "ego wall", "wikiality", "football widow", "to google"?)

Let's play a game!)


Ready? Steady? Go!


Round One

1) ego wall
2) football widow it is... guessed by Electronic Elric
3) ad creep
4) dramality
5) to google it is... guessed by Kleo Scanti
6) zombie computer it is... guessed by Loreleia
7) warm line
8) voicism
9) stealth parenting
10) speed dating


If this is interesting, we'll play it on a regular basis)

So, ta-da! The Links: "Word Spy" and "Urban Dictionary"

@темы: let's do it (a new idea tag), lol, that's useful, translation


"Knock, knock" jokes

life is sweet // there's always time for tea and room for cake
I love these jokes, they are quite useful. The reader can understand the last line if he uses his imagination - and distorts his beautiful standard English pronunciation. (So if you don't understand what the whole thing is about just read this joke aloud)
Here are a few such jokes based on homophonoids - words that sound alike but one of which is incorrectly spelt.

My favourite:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?'
"Oscar who?"
"Oscar a stupid question and you get a stupid answer"

and this one:

"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?'
"Cows Go."
"Cows Go who?"
"Cows go moo, not who"

@темы: lol

Ru_English: Говорят не по-русски