Guys? Cinema?

[ru_english]

Good morning, angels!
Dear all,
How about going to cinema together? I'm rather shy and it's a bit terrifying for me to meet new people, especially if we're supposed to speak only English.
But for me personally going to the cinema would not be so scary

I suggest "Dome Cinema": films in English (with Russian translation by headphones).

At the moment it would be great to know who's in. Later we can choose our film, date and time).

Yours sincerely,
Alario.

@темы: discussion, meetings

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[~Алхимик]

Hi.
I hope some of us are here. =)
Have anybody visited english- courses in native-speakers countries? I mean proramms for summer or smth like that. May you share the experience, please.

@темы: help needed

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game which eats my time lately

[Firesong]

Recently I stumbled upon yet another game "how well do you know your English". It's spelling game - you need to chose correct word from three offered versions. It's worksafe - meaning there are no bright flashes and unexpected sounds.

Here.


I confess I never get further 2nd level yet because I am really inattentive and too hasty. Of all my failures only one happened because I honestly didn't know the right spelling.

@темы: games

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Anyone alive?)

[Alario]

Hey, everyone). Anyone alive and still enthusiastic, eh?

Tell me about the amount of English in your life lately, would you? I've been working for almost three years in a place where I don't need English at all, and now I have to admit that my English became very poor(.

@темы: discussion

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We haven't written anything for a while

[KattyJamison]

Not that I have anything especially fun to write now, but here is a web-site with jokes about English language: www.ahajokes.com/english_jokes.html

And a sample from there:

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

@темы: lol

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word: grrrl

[Св.]

A "grrrl" is a strong and independent young woman who is comfortable with her sexuality.

@темы: english dictionary

---

word: plausible

[Св.]

@темы: dictionary

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[Св.]

DINKY

"DINKY" is an acronym that stands for dual income no kids yet, and is often applied as a marketing term to childless gay and lesbian couples who are suspected to have a higher income because they don't have child expenses.

@темы: urban dictionary, word of the gay

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[Св.]

celesbian

A "celesbian" is an openly or allegedly gay female celebrity. In recent times the term has evolved to include those celebrities who claim they are lesbian or bisexual as a publicity stunt.

@темы: word of the gay

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[Св.]

WSD

"Write Shit Down". A popular method of organization. Works equally well in one's personal or professional life.
Dude, you don't need ritalin. Just use the WSD method - trust me, you won't forget things anymore and you'll actually get them done!

@темы: urban dictionary

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[Св.]

wikidemia

An academic work passed off as scholarly yet researched entirely on Wikipedia.
"An A on my English paper? That's a fine piece of Wikidemia!'

@темы: urban dictionary

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[Св.]

moneymoon

The time after your purchase of a good or service and before 'buyer's remorse' happens.
The moneymoon is over, I realize now that buying that boat was a waste of money.

@темы: urban dictionary

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[Св.]

nom de strip

A name assumed for glamour photography / pornography / other sexual activity when an alias might be advisable; one's stripper name.

"She's principal fiscal advisor to the mayor nowadays, but I remember her fondly as Lola Wetness."
"Lola Wetness?"
"Her nom de strip."

@темы: urban dictionary

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chronoptimist

[Св.]

A person who always underestimates the time necessary to do something or get somewhere.
"Hey, Cindy. you know my parents are expecting us in 20 minutes."
"No problem. I just have to wash the dishes, take a shower, do my hair, walk the dog and then I'm all good to go. See you in 15."
"You are such a chronoptimist! I'll see you in 45."

@темы: urban dictionary

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English jokes and American jokes

[Alario]

I've bought two small books last year, "100 American jokes" and "100 English jokes". I've recognized most of the jokes or at least their themes: we could certainly acknowledge those jokes as our own Russian ones. There are two ways to explain this phenomenon: either a joke is something that just doesn't fit into the borders of one country, or the editor simply translated the jokes he knew into English and thought it would do))

American jokes:

A guy from Georgia enrolled at Harvard and on his first day he was walking across the campus and asked an upperclassman (drawling heavily), "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The upperclassman responded, "At Harvard we do not end sentences with prepositions."
The Georgian then replied, "Well then, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"

Some small-time crooks decided that people were so stupid that they would accept 18 dollar bills if somebody gave them any. So they carefully made some plates and printed some up, and went to a small town to try them out. They got up to a shopkeeper and talked for a while, then casually said, "Say, can you give my change for an 18 dollar bill?"
"Sure," said the old shopkeeper. "What would you like, three 6's or two 9's?"

English jokes:

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped to purchase some popcorn.
Handing the attendant 1£, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 20 pence."
"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now..."

When I was young I hated going to weddings; it seemed that all of my aunts and grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next".
They stopped that kind of thing after I started doing the same to them at funerals.

@темы: lol

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Let's play! Topics: My job

[Alario]

Let's play! The game is called "Topics". You know, those "topics" that we were forced to learn by heart at school, like, "My family", "Winter holidays", "My flat" and etc)

Today the topic is: My job

You speak on the Topic, using three sentences.
The first one contains 3-5 words.
The second contains 6-10 words.
And the last one - 11-30 words.

Prepositions = words!
The best part of it: you can cheat)) I am = 2 words. I'm = 1 word.
I am going to = 4 words. I'm gonna = 2 words.

And of course try to make it humorous (if your job doesn't make you feel completely... tragic))

For example

For example
I'm a travelling salesman. (5 words)
People love me - they do, really. (6 words)
To understand it you just have to look right into their hearts, because many would think - by mistake, of course, - that all those insults and screams mean something bad. (29 words)

I'll start)

1. My job is very social.
2. In every sense of that word, actually.
3. It includes social protection, and though I feel a bit anti-social after communicating with retirees and veterans, I feel Superman-like, because I protect the weak ones.

@темы: lol

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We have been too quiet for a while, haven't we?

[KattyJamison]

Years ago, my sister studied in a "law for foreign students" program in Boston. Since her fellow students were, predicatbly, from all over the world, the abundance of accents and ways of speech was astounding. Once, a fellow student asked her after class:
-Eera, do you want to go wheel washig?
-What? - asked my curious sister who has never hears of such an exotic passtime.
-Wheel washing. You know, for fun.
-Where would you go to do it?
-To a harbor, on a boat.
A boat with wheels? Like an old steam-boat? And in all her life my sister never suspected that they needed washing...
-Are the wheels on the boat?
-No, outisde!
Well, that is in keeping with the steam-boat, though my sister.
-And how do you wash them? With a broom?
-No, you look outside, maybe take a camera...
-Ah! "Watching!" You mean, "looking at them"?
-Yes, yes!
-And why would you look at wheels?
-They are interesting. They are so big!
Failing to understand how wheels, even big, can be interesting, my sister questioned further:
-And do they spin?
This got the guy to pause.
-I don't think they spin, - he said thoughtfully, - But they dive, and make fountains, and they are really big animals.
He meant "whale watching" - a popular sight on the Atlantic shore. My sister did go.

@темы: how to say it?, lol

---

LOL))

[вождь Мелкая Река]

There have often been misunderstandings between the US and Europe and
especially because of different languages used in Europe.

There are also differences in spelling of languages in the US so it
would be good if everyone would make the same changes to better
understand each other.

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than
German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that
English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-
year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up
konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

read more

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag
is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"
with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl
riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst plas.

(c) from here

@темы: lol

---

It's funny.

[Alkante]

Never bring outdoor plants into the house. Garden
Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be
dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.



Here's why......... A couple in Baltimore, Maryland
had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was
bringing some of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.




It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one
of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife
saw it go under the sofa.



She let out a very loud scream! The husband (who was taking a shower)
ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told
him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his
hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and
cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so
he screamed and fell over on the floor.




His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to
lie still and called an ambulance. The attendant rushed in, wouldn't listen to
his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.



About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the EMT saw
it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg
and why he is still in the hospital.



The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a
neighbor. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided
it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.



But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt
the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back
under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to
use CPR to revive her.




The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store,
saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in
the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting
his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.



The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying
on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been
bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey,
and began pouring it down the man's throat.



By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the
whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to
arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a
little green snake.



The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing
wife. The little snake again came out from under the sofa. One of the policemen
drew his gun and fired at it.




He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the
lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other
policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard
on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where
an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.





Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who called the fire
department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were
halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out
the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but
they did get the house fire out).



Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired,
the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.



A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for
that night.



The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.



That's when he shot her.

@темы: lol

---

Another guessing game

[KattyJamison]

Everyone who has a second to consult the map knows that the largest state in the United States of America is Alasca. However, there is a relatively popular opinion that Alasca "does not count" and in actuality the largest state in the USA is another state. Can anyone offer any suggestions as to which states might it be and why?

@темы: discussion, lol